The Colonial Chronicles.
The famous reasons

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7 troop holiday | The In's and out's of the Marine | A world apart | Latro Venator | The famous reasons

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I just want to say that in no way am i or the 9TH CMD trying to take credit for this outstanding peice of work and we understand it is the brainchild of videokid. i just wanted to put it here as a valuable addition to the chronicles.

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300. You find yourself yelling for back-up when there isn't any

299. Trying to imitate Predators noise's

298. Feel as if you're being watched in public

297. Getting scared quite easealy over nothing

296. Bleeding eyes from gameplay

295. Dreaming in Predator vision

294. Able to resight lines from the game

293. When your alarm clock rings you dive from bed as if you had a weapon

292. When you can't stop playing!!!!!

291. Hardcore level is a joke

290. You growl like an alien when your pissed

289. You are out raking the leaves, the postman comes around you jump over the fence wielding your rake like a combi-stick - the post-man runs.

288. Everytime someone walks past you go bip, bip - motion sensor style!

287. At the dentist you open your mouth wide and ask if they can remove teeth from the secondary mouth you profess to have.

286. You put a used toilet roll to one eye for use as a targeting tracker then duct tape it to your head.

285. you duct tape a torch to your shoulder and stand in your front yard at night aiming it at people, wildlife, passing cars etc...

284. Any cylindrical object you find you jab into your abdomen and scream as you are miraculously healed

283. You run into the hardware store asking where the powerlifter section is as "the bitch is back"

282. You march to your local military recruiting office and ask to speak to the colonial marine people as you have important information about the Nostromo and its crew.

281. You sit in a big cardboard box in your backyard and shake aroud as you are baffled about by re-entry to LV-401's atmosphere screaming "Woooooooooooooo, bring it on baby!"

280. At work you suddenly jump up and scram"It's right above us!!!"

279. You're dreams begin to be about you actually being a predator and you're hunting down and killing bin laden.

278. You find yourself growing abnormally long nails to claw your friends with.

277. When you see someone from the military you have an overwelming urge to toss a frizbeee at him.

276. Avp2 is the only game installed on your hard drive

275. When your friends and family start wondering if your dead

274. When your wife/girlfriend leaves you.

273. When you find that raw meat tastes better and you begin savagly clawing all your meals.

272. When your roomate turns up missing and your statement to the police is "i seen him playing my avp2 game just yesterday"

271. You find yourself constantly wearing red, blue and green sunglass's, just in case....

270. You actually believe you're invisible.

269. Playing with all lights off except you have a flashlight strapped to your chest

268. Heading outside to roll in mud before you play against a Predator

267. You wear hockey shoulder pads 24-7

266. The eggs in your frigde seem to move at first glance

265. Playing the game and movie's at the same time because you need more nosie's.

264. No matter how hard you try, you still can't jump higher than 2 feet

263. The old station wagon in your garage is your amoured vehicle

262. Using all the emergency flares from your car to get to the bathroom

261. Calling in sick at work cause you have chest pains

260. When you leave your office job everyone takes the elevator while you escape through the duct work to saftey.

259. You are out walking it starts to rain "Oh no my cloak will fail, damn i knew i should of worn clothes!!!!"

258. You become self-employed as a pest-controller just so you can crawl around people's crawl spaces and attics wasting those damn bugs, most customers call the police when you start taking flamethrowers up into thier lofts.

257. You wear your bike helmet everywhere so that the xeno's will never catch you off guard without armour

256. Before work each morning you copiously search your car for hiding xenomorphs. Better check the glove box - Arrrrggghhh!!!

255. You bust open your vaccuum cleaner as a preventative measure - we all know Aliens can survive in a vaccuum.

254. You begin to closely watch people's chests more intently and closely............the judge doesn't accept your defence of self-presevation.

253. You electrocute yourself trying to bust open an access panel and use your taser to disable the "security system"

252. You begin to walk on all fours, what the hell they're going to take over the earth might as well be in their good books!

251. You refer to your pockets as weapon slots

250. You wear a mask everywhere so that the humans are easier to track, everyone stays alittle bit further away from you today.

249. You constantly inadvertently injure yourself in the shower because your afraid of getting facehugged.

248. When playing football you try to pounce over the defenders with painful results.

247. You dive behind cover whenever you see a heat shimmer.

246. You try to bite peoples foreheads for food.

245. You tape 2 knives to your wrist when you go duck hunting.

244. When taking your little brother/sister to play in the park you make them ride the slide first. Then you say to them "your on an express elevator to hell, going down."

243. You find yourself making predator, marine and alien models out of your mashed potatoes.

242. You begin to constantly taunt your girlfriend/wife with "back up" when you're in an argument.

241. You have no girlfriend/wife

240. You show up at all star trek conventions dressed as a predator picking fights with klingons insisting predator make-up is better.

239. You begin to wonder if medical science will ever be able to change people into aliens or predators and begin a special savings account for the operation.

238. You find yourself making copies of the game to keep the original mint.......just in case......

237. When you're friends ask to play you make a triangle with your fingers and aim it at thier heads while imagining a plasma blast killing them.

236. You're replacing your mouse every 2 days.

235. You find that you know every player in every mp game you play and talk like old buddies.

234. Sierra emails you asking you if you have a life!

233. Sierra ring you asking for tech support.

232. You turn off your monitor after a hard days MPing and the image of the AVP2 view interface remains on screen.

231. You ring your telephone company asking if they can directly connect your line to your AVP2 mp mates house for better ping times

230. You get your vet to give your cat a tracheostomy, with that new electronic voice box your cats purrs sound just like a predator.

229. Your wife leaves you because, in her words, "No normal man has friends called Videokid and Jedi Master!" I do bitch!

228. For you the Colonial Marines are a career option, not figments of overactive imaginations.

227. You visit a maxillofacial surgeon to get quotes on having your mouth widened with large spikes inserted at each corner -predator style

226. You get some dreadlocks done (black of course) you think you look like a predator warrior everybody else thinks you're a white boy rapper.

225. You make a tail and attach it to the seat of your pants, prowling the streets you run into the local hooligans, they start laughing, you pounce - "Don't mess with a volcano my friend....."

224. You argue with your used car dealer about the availability of a Colonial Marine APC - "What an extra $500,000 for the mini-gun, arggh i kill you now.....!"

223. You begin to call the queen alien "MOM"

222. You get a tattoo of the queen alien with the words "Lovin' Momma"

221. You begin to see the face huggers as "cute"

220. You think the queen is real and you think she is proud of you every time you make a kill.

219. Sierra offers you a job as a game tester

218. When FF is on and you kill another alien by mistake, you take a moment of silence to greve beside the body.

217. You can play sleeping.

216. You have a collection of plastic human skulls on your desk

215. When your brother asks to play, you hold up the plastic skull that has his name written on it and purr.

214. You begin to think you're better than Jedi Master!!

213. You paint your house black and cover it in slime

212. "That calculator and christmas lights on your forearm. What's that all about?"

211. When you uncle asks you to go hunting with him you flash an evil smile.

210. You taunt people with a mini cassette recorder in which you have all taunts from the movies and games. "Over Here........."

209. You can beat Jedi Master...lol

208. You force you family to play too.

207. You forgot your blood is red, and isn't a weapon.

206. You plan to steal all the custumes from FOX.

205. At the post office your address is now "The Hive"

204. After Christmas dinner you saved all the bones to make jewelery.

203. Wake up screaming in your sleep "They're coming out of the walls"

202. All disc shaped objects you wield as Pred discs, no one is safe from your trophy collecting. You get kicked out of McDonalds for throwing Hotcakes at other customers

201. You answer everyone in a static radio voice

200. You cut a watermelon in half and stick one half to the back of your head to elongate your skull, making for a more realsitic experience on all those Alien missions.

199. You copy all your AVP merchandise and movies and place them in time capsules so that in 2000 years your offspring will have a chance against the Xenomorphs. And to prove that crazy old grandpa Brodieman maybe wasn't that crazy after all!!

198. You need to go see a psychiatrist for "troubleshooting"

197. You spend all your time on AVPcenter posting responses to things like 300 ways to know you're playing too much AVP2

196. With all that extra time in front of the monitor your suntan really glows - in the dark!

195. In an effort to ease the onslaught your keyboard spontaneously combusts as an alternative to your AVP2 key thrashing!!!

193. You have a steam maker in your bedroom

192. Intsalling a rollcage for you computer chair for those bumpy drops

191. The busniess store refused to sell you 3 laser pointers cause you looked demented.

190. You've already developed AvP3 in your spare time

189. While walking on the street you saw a polishing kit in a store window and just had to have it.

188. Apearing on Jeopardy cause you think they might pick AvP2 as a catagory.

187. You have the interference from the cloak+vision mode constantly etched into your retina.

186. You consider your boss a worty prey and wonder how is spine would look on your livingroom wall.

185. You get edgy when turning a corner, expecting an alien to pounce at you at any moment.

184. You clench your fist when arriving at work on a monday morning, hoping for your wristblades to pop out.

183. You have something to add to this thread.

182. You approach the TV stations with your resume hoping that they will select you for Survivor : LV-401 edition (you think you're in with a chance)

181. You force your family to live as a tribe of hunters.

180. Climbing along walls of buildings and houses isn't quite as easy as the Aliens portray it to be!

179. You run around with a net, trapping "prey", apparently the police do not find this as entertaining as you do.

178. You argue with the clerks at the supermarket demanding to know if they stock SC spam as "Everyone keeps going on about it, it must be good!!"

177. While giving a presentation of to business partners you can't help but use your laser pointer to sweep over the assembly targeting individuals and then ruefully rubbing your shoulder for your lack of a fuctioning shoulder cannon.

176. You are standing in a public place imitating some of your more spectacular moves from AVP2 to the thronging crowds, while imitating an Aliens tail attack people think you are a funky new dance choreographer. It takes off as the latest dance craze across the world, you continually claim to everyone and anyone that "I invented that!", no one believes you.

175. In a moment of inspired lunacy you take to your dad's forklift with an oxytorch in an attempt to make a homemade powerlifter. Your dad takes to you with a bit of 2 X 4.

174. At night your wife finds you playing AVP2 while you are sleeping, and you're kicking arse!

173. You are on a business trip interstate, while checking in to your Hotel you are having a conversation with the concierge you let slip that you "are in town, with a few days to kill" (Pred 2 slogan - incase someone tries to point it out)

172. Two marines jumping around like piss heads.

171. Don't wank over other players.

170. Say hello to your team mates

169. You see aliens dressed up as house wifes.

168. You think that you need a wash.

167. you punch your fists in the air like you won the superball if you see or hear anyone on T.V. playing or showing the game itself (see my post: 'AVP2 game in DARK ANGEL T.v. SHOW')

166. watch people on television and imagine if they could make a good predator if they were cast in the movie (KANE from WWF)

165. You see animal or imagine which ones could be impregnated by Aliens and wonder what the alien would look like.

164. you imagine too much!

163. you suddenly buy ALL & everything the Alien/Pred movies that were made.

162. You wonder if Preds are somehow linked to Jamaican people.

161. You try to make personal laser pointers like the ones in movies !!( look at post)

160. YOU ALWAYS PUT AN ALIENS MOVIE OR PREDATOR MOVIE IN VCR/DVD WHEN YOU PLAY . LOL

159. You THINK that you have an alien mouth

158. You try to headbutt your mates becuase you think you got a big head.

157. have a fake pred mask made out of cheap plastic.

156. You can't sleep becuase too much gaming.

155. Some how you want to a marine and die.

154. you think that your team mates are real.

153. You'll know that OO-Edds is crap at the game. because you bascily know everyone and what there'd played

152. You get bored so you do a jigsaw puzzle. And you get bored with that so you play more avp2.

151. You say to your kids. "Want some candy"

150. you know there's cheaters out there. <<I HIT THE HALF WAY MARK!!!>>

149. You got a memory sortage becuase you took so many class pics.

148. you walk onby every militarybasement ducked

147. you are jumping from roof to roof..

146. you are asking in hospital for head implantats especially in the back area of your head...

145. you find yourself hunting and biting your cat caoticlly

144. FOXS asks you, if you could act as a model for motion capturing - alien movements

143. you sometimes try to facehugg your girlfriend - hooking on her chest.

142. every door is a potential trap and you only sneak through

141. your frispy gots razor blades

140. when you are watching a Documentar Film in school whit the class, and the room is dark, you beat everyone up and hold up the lunchbag from your calssmate proudly like a trophy and doing scary noises..

139. you never walk trough woods u always jump from tree to tree

138. you have a collection of skulls in your closet.

137.you hide in trees and wait until people walk by and pounce on them.

136.you take all the eggs in your house and place them in an incubator thinking that u will make aliens.

135.you lock your self out side so u cut your self open and spaltter blood all over the door to see if it melts a hole in the door.

134. In a Japanese restaurant they cook infront of you. As they ask you for more "fire-power" you freak out.

133. You sweat when you play

132. Enjoying being spawn killed as you feel your imortal and your purpose is to rain havok upon the few.

131. When you friends influence you to try and play a different game, you say "NO!" and make them try and survive AvP2.

130. The jewlery you made from Christmas dinner is now on the black market and doing well.

129. You purchase strange jewelry from the black market, it's made of bones you think that a predator must be active on earth and you are collecting proof

128. For Halloween you go trick or treating dressed up as an alien anyone who doesn't get the candy ready, cops a tail whipping or head bite (which one will get you less jail time?)

127. You send in a soundeffects tape to Monolith with some sounds you think should be included in the game, somewhere along the lines of "peow! zing zing, erherhehrhehrhehrherh!"

126. You play the AVP2 data tracks as audio tracks while driving to work!

125. You bust into the opening ceremony of the olympic games claiming to represent "the hive", ........"we will participate in steeple chase, decathalon, marathon and women's synchronised swimming!"

124. You find yourself physically trying to dodge incoming rockets, discs, and plasma. (this one is my worst)

123. Your girlfriend calls you a nerd and you reply with "it's the nerds that rule the world, dear."

122. Your computer chair automatically molds to your butt cheaks before you even make contact on your way down.

121. You wonder if there's such things as AvP.A. meetings.

120. You think AvP.A. meetings are for quitters.

119. You want to duel Jedi Master because you think it'd be fun.

118. When you go to bed at 4:30 am, you wonder how you could optamize your performance.

117. When you fall asleep at 7:30 am, you forgot everything you thought about before the most recent half-hour, which happens to be how to optamize your performance.

116. You can take on 3 preds in TDM with a pistol, BOO-YA!

115. You post these things instead of going to bed 4 hours before you have to be at work, ouch!

114. You think that the only ppl who can beat u r hacking.

113. The only ppl who can beat u r hacking

112. U have apathy towards frisby

111. U diplay an avertion to water sports

110. U have become a master of the spear by practicing while games r loading

109. U know every place in every map...

108. ... and every pick ups location...

107. ... and can say it from memory

106. U have actually considered playing and winning tournaments as a regular source of income

105. U spend ur free time watching the predator movies, thinking of what u would do in that circumstance.

104. you can syncron talk to every pred. and aline movie

103. you can syncron talk to every pred. and aline movie backwards!

102. you are going into the ARMY as a Pro in a contract for 10 years just to have seen one of those cool Thermal night vision googles from a far distance.

101. your nails are 10 centimeters large yellow-green and sharp as hell so that razor blades come to live and run away screamng..

100.(sorry 4 this sick one) you are running around whit dryed turd that was just coming out of ya *** for having a larger tail.

99. Mold has been starting to grow on your body.

98. You installed one of those toilet chairs from the simpsons so you never have to get up.

97. You find Predators attractive.

96. You find Aliens attractive .

95. Your friends have to knock you out and tie you to a bed to get you to sleep.

94.You make animal sacrifices to your game case.

95. You dont want to itch your nose, because you know if the snipers dont get you then the damn facehuggers will.

94. You think about it the whole time you're at work.

93. You wonder if your daily environments (school, work, neighborhood) would be good for certain MP excursions.

92. You sneak out of bed to go make a couple (hundred) frags.

91. Your girlfriend doesn't notice when you sneak out of bed to make a couple of frags.

90. You run out and buy a GeForce 3 equipped computer to replace your aging p3 voodoo3 system because the demo "looked so freakin' cool".

89. You start surfing this board when you cant play the game.

88. You wonder if you should take up graphics design just so you can make stuff for the game.

87. You go to sleep wondering what it might be like to eat through someones chest, and start looking at your leg thinking it would make a good meal.

86. When someone taps your shoulder you turn around holding your wrist watch like a PC.

85. You pass up a trip to the mall to play

84. you pass up a trip with friends to play

83. You pass up a day in the sun to play

82. You pass up a DATE to play the game

81. You pass up potential SEX to play game (sad)

80. You pass up doctor,dentist, mechanic, and job interviews .....to play the game

79. U have gone through 8 sets of dentures gritting ur teeth.

78. U keep a stopwatch by the comp to remind u when items respawn

77. U slit ur wrist when u get fragged

76. U gave prizes from a tornament for more ram.

75. Tom hanks and steven speilberg have made a 12 part mini-series about u playing the game.

74. When you find yourself in the AVP2 forum trying to figure out smart and funny answer to a question when do you know that you play AVP2 too much.

73. You find yourself dead while trying to cross a mine field to hunt Osama Bin Laden with two knifes strapped to yor fist.

72. You duct tape the post man to the wall of your house and shove a plastic snake toy down his throat.

71. You join the US Marines and start a fight with the commander because you didn't get a pulse rifle and a smart gun.

70. You are always afriad of switches thinking that they are self-destruct buttons

69. You always check the places the wheels go in on airplanes for hiding Queens.

68. You forget how to open doors properly and try to rip them apart with your fingers.

67. You set time bombs on your neighbors sprinkler system think that the will interfere with your cloaking device while hunting out at night.

66. You fall to your death while trying to climb the WTC screaming "God damn Marines found me! HOOOOOWWW??????"
and hissing like an alien.

65. You close your eyes to detect pheromones and you learn that
a) Human pheromones often smell like fart
b) Humans, unlike dogs, do not appreciate others sniffing their ass
c) Passing trucks on a highway do not emit pheromones and that you should try not to get hit by one next time

64. You attend a funeral and when you go up to pay your respects the FRAGGED (dead) person, you try to bite his/her head off.

63. Post men fear you more then dogs because you go POSTal around POSTmen with frisbies and long two-handed sticks and laser pointers.

62. While others listen to bird chirping sounds and waterfall sounds when meditating, you tend to listen to marine screams, predator roars, squishy sounds in a hive, Queen shierks and other AvP related sounds.

61.You read all Aliens, Predators and Alien versus Predator books there are on Earth (Just like someone I know reeeeeally well, me)

60. You all ways have mud all over your body and have gigantic booby traps in your room, You never know when those Preds will attack.

59. You spend all day trying to think of new replies to thie post and sort of figure out now that you have run out of things to say.

58. You try to join the US Marines, but society shuns you because
a) You are afraid of natural sun light
b) You have long hair, large red beady eyes, long kanine teeth, long nails and a tail growing on your ass
c) Instead of speaking any kind of human language, you either growl and make clicking noises like a Predator or you shriek like a dead Dog/Weasel hybrid on Steroids
d) Instead of helping Mankind, you prefer to eat Mankind

57. The FBI, CIA, IRS and IOU break down your door for tax evasion, strange blood curdling noises from within your house, neighbors missing, theft of Military equipment, breaking into Area-51 and stealing an Alien Egg and instead of finding an ordinary house, they find walls with strange black sticky substance and a stench of death and bad deodorent. They go up to your room and you pounce on them with
a) a Pulse Rifle
b) a Spear
c) Mouth wide open, ready to bite and kill
d) shit still dangling from your anus (dried, black and hard as granite, BEST weapon you have)
Later, your carcass is found with 5963 10 x 28 mm bullets embedided within your body, a tank's cannon shell in your mouth, a grenade

56. You stand at the front door of your local computer shop and encourage others to buy AVP2, the combistick (broomstick) in your hand leads to law enforcement involvement, you make the 10:00 news and are lauded as a hero by fellow AVP2 fans.

55. You dress up as a Predator and gatecrash a medieval recreational society historical re-enactment and start beating the "weak humans"

54. You go door to door to try and spread the AVP2 religion cheer, with your game manual under arm and your spunky new dreadlocks and mask you certainly make an impression on those who are too afraid to talk to you - "damn it dude, gotta ditch the plasmacaster aiming lasers it freaks em out.....:

53. While shopping with your wife you leap into every store before her holding an imaginary smartgun and sweeping the store, she asks you to go outside because you are embarassing her, outside you use your wallet like a motion sensor and scream "it's right on top of us!" your wife comes running out of the store and beats you with her handbag.

52. You pin your little sisters barbie doll heads to the wall and laugh like a predator when she walks into her room.

51. U have killed for the game...

50. ...more than once...

49. ...and have considered making a profession out of it...

48. ...and u keep the skulls in ur bathroom

47. H.R. Giger(alien) and Adam Jones(made stuff for predator 2) r on ur buddy list (and ur not a tool fan)

46. When u have ure whole room insulated and covered in glue and other material and paint it all black to make it look like the hive.

45. when u have a bumper sticker of the avp2 logo on ure car

44. ...when u have a bumper sticker of the avp2 logo on ure truck

43. ...when ure body is coverd with bumper stickers.

42. when u think that having poop hangin out of ure arse is a good thing.

41. when u beat the game 100 times with all 3 species and u are playing it again.

40. when u can beat the whole game in 1 hour.

39. when u start pinning buttons on people on the streets saying"vote for avp2".

38. when beg and beg and beg to get employed with lithtech.

37. when u go out and buy a 2.0 gh computer and a g force 3 just to see what the graphics look like.

36. When u start sticking ure tongue out at people and hissing like an alien...and then u try to push ure tongue into someones head, thinking its gonna bite there head off.

35: you try to glue your freinds to the wall with pritt stick and implant them with chicken embryos

34: you glue suction cups onto your hands and knees and drop on your teacher from the class ceiling

33: you become incredibly disappointed when you find u cant force ur tongue through someones forehead

32: you spend all your free time making alien eggs out of paper mache

31: you sleep in the park and pounce on wandering old people

30: you fail ur maths a level because you answer all the questions in base nine form

29: you plant a laser net and automated senty guns in your front yard

28: you run aroun the office wearing only militray webbing, a claculator on your arm, a laserpen on your head and trying to stick peoples head to the wall with a stapler

27: whenever someone coughs in the cantine u leap form ur chair roll into the aisle and run like hell

26: when u r out paintballing u find urself desperatly serching for the grenade launcher on ur marker

25: you find urself trying to thinkup more reasons for this forum

24. u fail math because u are using a base 9 system...LMAO

23. when someone farts in class u think a pred is talking to u

22. u end up scaring the teacher when he has his back turned to u...people look at the 3 lasers crossing the chalk board and resting on his neck...then u laugh maniaclly .
. .
21. when u have an idea for this damn thread...im runing out

20. the fbi search your house for skulls...because they know ure linked to some of the crazy shit going on, and ure apart of all the crazy shit going on...

19. they find u resting on the ceiling...when u see them u hiss and pounce...lmao!!!

18. After beating the game you go and join the staff ofAvP Center

17. You run around the house in a crouched position to keep a low profile whilst making growling noises

16. When you're not playing the game your modding the game.

15. You try and make a cloaking device out of a large sheet of tin foil and the mains electricity.

14. Whilst you are in hospital after #13 you are afraid they are going to implant you with a facehugger.

13. You have full suits of Predator and Marine armour plus all their weapons lovingly sculpted out of paper mache.

12. You have added 6 DVD-ROM drives to your PC, one for each Alien/Predator movie.

11. You framed the AvP2 box

10. You break into the Monolith HQ at night to work on an AvP2 expansion pack.

9: You see a worm on the floor and you run away becuaser you think it's a chest buster.

8: You put blue see-though plastic over your eyes. like a predator.

7: You try to a acid spit on your mum.

6: You go outside in your back garden to see if there's a apc or a ship outside.

5: When your going a pulse rate test. You think of pulse rifles.

4: You buy all the predator videos and put them on all day and night.

3: You stink of B.O

2: Never do your homework.

<<[[##1##]]>>: You do all those up there (2-300)

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